She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
