whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
