I hope mine doesn't look like that
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
