He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
