god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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