I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I wish you could order shots online.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize
