he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
not ubering you a puppy
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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