Where are you?
In a non slutty way
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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