Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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