Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
