Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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