For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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