I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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