They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Dignity is for republicans.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
