you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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