Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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