i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I am mentally ready for anal.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
