i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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