remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
