I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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