Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
