Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
