I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
