the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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