Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
