theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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