All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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