When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
