My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
