i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
