she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
