so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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