how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
