I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
