So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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