So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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