you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
