i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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