for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
