His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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