I'm gonna have a badass scar
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It's shark week go big or go home
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
