that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
