Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
