Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
