is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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