You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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