just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
