Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
