Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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