I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
