I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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