Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
