"it" just moved
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
zippers are such a cool invention
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
don't judge my taste in strippers
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
