Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize